Female perspectiveFemale perspective
THE MOODS OF A WOMAN
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
THE MOODS OF A MAN
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.
Santa
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."
Why do blokes have legs?
So their brains don't drag on the floor.
Why do blokes need instant replay on TV sport?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do blokes want to marry virgins?
Because they can't stand criticism.
How do you kill a bloke?
Ask him to jump off his ego and land on his IQ.
How many blokes does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you like.....it'll still be there waiting to be changed in the morning.
How do you know when a bloke's had an orgasm?
He snores.
How do we know blokes invented maps?
Who else would turn an inch into a mile.
What's the fastest way to a blokes heart?
Through his chest with a sharp implement.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
He said - Two inches more and I would be king
She said - Two inches less, and you'd be queen
On the wall in the ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..."
Written just below it "I do not"
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b***ard.
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