Office Wisdom

Office Wisdom

Stress - The feeling caused by the job in hand exceeding perceived capability, or when the job in hand matches what is on your C.V.

It is always wise to be careful of the toes you tred on today, as they may be conected to the arse you have to kiss tomorrow.

The art of management is to realise your deficiencies, and hide them.

We are either doing something, or we are not. 'Talking about' is a subset of 'not'.

Indecision is the key to Flexibility

Never be indispensable. If you can't be replaced, you will never get promoted.

When you see the window of opportunity, make sure it's open before you jump through it.

I'm trying envisage things from your point of view but I'm having a little difficulty getting my head that far up my bottom.

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Because if you do it today and you like it, you can do it again tomorrow.

I don't use the word deadline. I say target. Because if you miss the target, you just reload and have another crack. Miss the deadline and well...

Light travels faster than sound, that is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Usually the staff of the company play football. The middle level managers are more interested in tennis. The top management usually has a preference for golf. Finding - As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.

If I'd have wanted it for tomorrow, I would have asked for it tomorrow.

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?

Envy provides the mud that failure throws at success.

Knowing as much as I do doesn't mean I don't care about the little people.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

To be a good manager is all about delegation. Why have a dog and bark yourself?

Remember if the business is paper then we (the workers) are the staples. But ask yourself who is the paper-shredder? Who is the paper clip? And who is the photocopier? Remember you can shred paper-clips and staples but they won't go through the photocopier (I tried once and we had to call out the maintenance man, it took 2 weeks before I could photocopy the files on the machine by the toilet. I had to walk round to finance on the 1st floor to do the photocopying before it was fixed.) So remember that and think next time you photocopy.

We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

We have done so much with so little for so long.

We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

To those who think it is better to talk than to listen... You've got two ears and one mouth, use the ears twice as much.

Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

Diplomacy - the art of allowing the other person to have your own way.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

You have to be 100 percent behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

Getting the job done right first time gives you pride and satisfaction...taking fourteen times gives you job security!

Fast, Good or Cheap. Pick two and stick to them.

There are two kinds of people - those who divide people into two kinds, and those who don't

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.