21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas

21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas

1.     I prefer breasts to legs
2.     Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3.     Smother the butter all over the breasts!
4.     If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!
5.     I’ve never seen a better spread!
6.     I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7.     Are you ready for seconds yet?
8.     It’s a little dry; do you still want it?
9.     Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10.   Don’t play with your meat.
11.    Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12.   Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13.   I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!
14.   You still have a little bit on your chin.
15.   How long will it take after you put it in?
16.   You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17.   Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18.   That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!
19.   I’m so full; I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning
20.   Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more!
21.   I do like a good stuffing.


Loving Husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No”, he says, “the seat is empty.”

“This is incredible!” said the man, “who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?”

He says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible.

I guess you couldn’t find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?”
The man shakes his head…….”No.” He Said. “They’ve all gone to the funeral.”


Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?

You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward jokes. And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So my friends, next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

Forward this onto your friends today and let them know you’ve been thinking about them!

Have A Great Day